3 Reasons why You may still be Single and how to Break the Cycle
#1: Unrealistic Expectations
I talk with hundreds of singles each week to help them find their special someone. Often, I am astounded when someone describes their preferences in a partner as if they are ordering a custom pair of pants. Their list of “must haves” is very lengthy and immediately I am concerned that I may not be able to help them nor do I want to assume them as a client. Even though I remind them that I am a matchmaker not a miracle worker, they still believe that I have clones of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in my database. If someone is serious about finding a healthy committed relationship, I encourage them to have no more than 3 “must haves” and be flexible with their other criteria. Through my personal and professional experience, I have found that a person will be most successful in finding their partner when they are open-minded and consider meeting people that don’t necessarily fit their ideal image. Research has proven that the type of partner we think will make us happy versus the type of partner that actually will make us happy are quite different. Most of my clients who take my advice are pleasantly surprised when they go on a date with someone they would not have typically considered. It is not about settling, it is about giving someone a chance. You are not signing a marriage contract. You are just meeting for a cup of coffee or glass of wine to discover if there could possibly be a connection. This approach is one of the main reasons the majority of my clients end up in relationships.
#2: Fear
Many singles are afraid for a variety of reasons. Some of my clients have experienced traumatic relationships which makes it difficult to trust. It makes sense they would be reluctant to meet someone new. Fortunately, Lucky in Luv, has a thorough vetting process to guarantee that we represent clients accurately. We do not accept everyone into our program. If we feel someone is dishonest or unstable, we will not work with them. This precautionary measure puts our clients at ease and makes them feel more comfortable and relaxed going on a date. If someone is still struggling with traumatic issues from their past, I advise them to seek counseling first before searching for a partner. Sometimes being vulnerable is scary and can take an immense amount of courage. However, trust is essential in developing and maintaining emotional and physical intimacy. My skills as a professional psychotherapist is very beneficial in supporting clients who struggle with issues relating to trust, vulnerability and anxiety. I help them navigate the dating journey with clearly defined goals to get them in a healthy and loving relationship.
#3: Limited Opportunities
I meet too many singles who are disappointed about being single but are not taking important steps to increase their opportunities of meeting new people. They need to write down clearly defined goals with measurable time frames in their quest to meet a potential partner. As a professional dating coach and matchmaker, I can help them with this process. If they have been doing online dating for five years but they are not having success, they may want to consider getting professional pictures or rewriting their profile. Maybe they need to try other dating sites or apps or consider a matchmaker. It is important to develop interests or hobbies that are socially driven to meet new people. It usually feels more comfortable getting to know someone who enjoys doing similar activities. Even while you are running errands you can smile and be friendly. Like other goals you want to accomplish, you need to be intentional and have a positive attitude. Most things happen because we make it a priority and give ourselves tasks toward what we want to accomplish. I believe there are many quality singles who also want companionship and intimacy. If you have an attitude that there are an abundance of singles ( which there are), you will feel more hopeful and behave in ways that are aligned with finding your special someone.
If you are worn out from online dating, call Tammy, 410-602-1683, for a FREE ten minute initial consultation or go to LuckyinLuv.com and fill out a profile in my FREE database.
